I suck, I suck, I suck

Tonight I consumed and undisclosed (because I refuse to add it up) amount of sugary desert things. I, myself, made chocolate brownies with Reese's peanut butter chips melted on top. I consumed about 1/3 of the pan before I even left the house. Then, at Bunco (Sheena......I missed you), I continued to sample everyone else's treats (as if I wasn't already sick to my stomach from the 1/3 pan of brownies) and ate myself into a stupor.

I totally suck. I hate it when I do that. NO SELF CONTROL! I SUCK, I SUCK, I SUCK.

I have a class to teach on Thursday so I guess I will "have to" practice my routine ALL DAY tomorrow (I'm thinking at least 4-5 hours) to make up for it.

Melanie.....you fat lard!

So much for becoming sickly looking. At this rate I will be back to my old chubby self.

Can I have one week of zero accountability? No weigh in? No CRAPPY number climbing.

I hate myself tonight.

I suck!

I need to do. Anything. Just DO

I'm so glad you guys are having such success at the weight loss thing. I, am not. Having success, that is.

Today we had Annie's birthday party and I managed to only eat 1/2 of the small piece I cut for myself and no ice cream. That is huge for me even though I managed this a few weeks ago since I have found myself in the middle of midterms this week among other normal triggers for me.

Anyway, I am NOT weighing in this week mostly because I am too lazy to go back across town to Rite Aidn and partly because I am afraid of what it might say. I should be excited about maintaining any loss so far and yet if I don't see a drop at all I feel frustrated and that's a trigger, too. See, you don't get to weigh 333 lbs by having only 1 or 2 triggers. And that is what I weighed at the beginning of this year. (not anymore!!!)

I need to get my schedule together so I can actually go work out. Things just need to remain stagnate for me to get it figured out. It seems like every week there is a new reason to not be able to go. I want to sleep or be lazy or procrastinate working out AND homework by saying I'll do the other one and then really watching Hulu so I can catch up on Bones.

It's bad when I treat working out like my boyfriend on the side. I shouldn't have to lie to him to get out of doing it. Affairs are suppossed to be fun, right?

Yes, it really is this crazy inside my head.

Apparently More is Less....scientific experiment successful so far.

So I have been keeping up with the calorie counting and trying to keep up consistent calorie intake throughout the day and so far.......it is working. I haven't had a binge session yet. I am taking in anywhere from 1600-2000 calories a day and should probably be taking in slightly more with as much as I work out right now. It's actually hard to find food worth consuming. I never thought that would happen.

I have also found that some of my favorite foods I thought were not "too bad" are actually quite disgusting and some are actually REALLY quite excellent. I am being adventurous and trying some new foods as well. Monday night we are going to have black bean burgers. I am actually really excited to try them. If they turn out well I will get you the recipe (with the nutrition fact, of course).

So I weighed in this morning. 146! Yeah. It's kind of nice to stand on the scale and put the big weight at 100 and move the small weight down instead of the big at 150 and have to move the small one up. We'll see how long it lasts but for now it's kind of fun.

There are a FEW downfalls, however, to this weight loss. It comes of my upper body at a faster rate than the lower. My "A-cup" bras are now getting loose one me. I believe I am working my way right into size AA (did you know AA is smaller than A?....Well it is.). And do you know how hard it is to find a size 38 AA bra? Nearly impossible if not impossible. Most of the time I have to buy extenders because I have such a huge rib cage (Rob, since the beginning of time, has teased with me that cannibals would have a feast on my ribs. What a loving husband, huh?).

Downfall #2
Because I continue to loose on top, my collarbones and neck are starting to look a little sickly. I must admit, in my twisted little brain, I kind of like it. Especially when I am weight lifting and looking in the mirror. The muscles flex and it make it look even smaller and skinnier. Disgusting, I know.
I do realize that it could get really ugly really fast. No one likes the anorexic look. I just wish my body would stop slimming up top and start working on "the hambutt" (buttocks and upper hamstring. You know, the whole overhang/crease thing). It really is my greatest ASSET....get it?

I guess I will just have to do more squats and more lunges and dead lifts and pelvic raises and ............ you get the idea.

BMI

Just for fun I decided to check my BMI and also see what my BMI would be at my target weight. I went here. Right now I am on the very edge between normal and overweight. Even at my target weight of 120 I would still be safely in the middle of normal. 120 here I come! Except for the unfortunate M&M binge this afternoon. *sigh*

Hi.

My name is Sheena and I want to lose weight.

(This is where you all say, "Hi Sheena" in a bored, sing-song voice.)

Alright, I forgot to weigh myself this morning and I'm not about to do it since I just ate. You'll have to deal with me weighing 140 lbs the last three times I've weighed myself and call that good. Or, not good really.

My target weight is between 120-125 lbs. I know how that may sound to some, but seriously, I'm 5'3" and I have a small bone structure. There is no reason for me to not be at my target. Um, except that I like to eat. I really like to eat. I like to eat sweets and carbs by the bucketful. Oh, and I really don't like to exercise. Mostly.

However, I have started 'walking' with a buddy. Now I feel really lame because, seriously, walking?! But that's what I've been doing and let me tell you, I'M SORE! We started on Tuesday and went about 5 miles. Wednesday we only went probably half that because of time constraints. Today, we are not going because my buddy has a blister. Tomorrow we are not going because I have a meeting. I guess that means I'll have to take the kids on a bike ride. *sigh*

Uh, what else. Oh, I am hoping to join a gym or fitness club or some such thing so I can start attending classes because I really do like to kickbox. Plus I want get some muscle tone. . . we'll see how that goes.

I am joining this blog because you have all been motivating me for sometime now as I have been lurking around reading about your lofty goals. I'm hoping some of your motivation and wonderfulness will rub off on me.

Okay. Uh, thank you.

Yay! Someone else has joined us!

Okie dokie everyone, please welcome Sheena! I think we all know her except Holly, and Holly, you know her by the *pant* *gasp* *pant* bicycle post that she did. So, get moving and get posting!

Weigh In

Today is Wednesday, today is Wednesday. Wednesday WEIGH-IN! all you hungry children come and eat it up. Come and eat it up. (Holly will get it if no one else does).

Drumroll please................188 lbs.

If you're keeping track, and I am, that's down 8.5 lbs from last week, so what I'm doing is working for me. Yes, I double checked the numbers. No, I don't expect it to keep falling at this rate, it's just not possible. And yes, I am being perfectly healthy - I'm not starving myself, that is also, just not possible. I eat when I'm hungry, but healthier choices than before, and I'm working my butt off. Quite literally.

12 lbs lost to date. WOWZA!

*Uh, originally posted 11 lbs lost to date, but apparently I can't do simple math. 8.5+3.5=12 Even better.

13 hour workout weeks are a killer for the body.....awesome for the scale

So after another CRAZY workout week (13 hours this week with 10 of them being from Wed-Saturday) the scale was my best friend. (Did I also mention that I have actually started eating more calories throughout the day instead of binging on CRAP at night? It's working wonders).

Anyway....Saturday morning I weighed it at 147lbs. For me this is an incredible weight. It's too bad it wont last. It never does. 150 lbs is where I ride and 150 lbs is where I will return to. Just once I would like to be at 145lbs long enough to actually buy a size 8 pant and be able to wear it for a long time (at least 6 months). Unfortunately, for me this has only been a dream. I haven't been small enough to wear a size 8 since I was a gymnast and had 10 % body fat (isn't it sad that with only 10% body fat I still wore a size 7-9? I have some freakin' huge bones.....Damned genes. Why couldn't I be born into a skinny family?).

In all reality, I just want to be 150 lbs at my 10 week doctors appointment the next time I get pregnant (NO! I AM NOT PREGNANT.......I SAID NEXT TIME, LADIES!). I have weighed in at 150 lbs every 10 week apt (other than my first. I was 160 lbs since I had packed on a bit of newlywed weight) and it is my goal to always be there when I start again.

Weight maintainence sucks. I would rather be pregnant and gaining or post pardum and loosing. What am I going to do when I am done? I will have no more excuses. I think I'll go crazy!

A Little Behind

Hmm, I just re-read that subject line and realized it can be taken two ways, one is the truth and one is what I'm working for but will probably never attain (no matter how skinny I get)!

But, what I mean is that I'm behind on the weekly weigh-ins. I didn't weigh my self last Saturday and I was 163.4. Nice, almost 2 lbs that week. This morning, after a killer run, I weighed myself again: 161.1. Woohoo! The problem is that it's not my "real" weight, I haven't been brave enough to do that for awhile, I've only been my weight after I run so far that I've drained every ounce of EVERYTHING out of my body... of course I'll weigh less then! But, in a few weeks I'll be done with these crazy run longs and I'll get a better idea of where I'm really at, for now I'm enjoying these numbers!

Other than killing myself running, I also tried really hard to work on changing some bad eating habits this week. Let me share:

1- Eating late at night. I know we've all heard this one before, but it's a killer for me. So, I set 8:00 as my cut off time and STUCK TO IT! No fudging, (although there was one or twice that I ran to my bedroom which has the slowest clock in the house just so I could finish a snack before the clock turned, that's not cheating, is it?) Usually though, I'd brush my teeth while I'm getting Sam ready for bed about 7:30 and then I'm done for the night. End of Story.

2- Eating junk while I'm feeding my kids. Are fishy crackers really that bad? YES! Too easy to loose track of how many bites of crackers, cheese, PB sandwich, etc. And then I'd turn around and eat a full meal of my own once they are down for naps. Not good. So, I'd get a big glass of ice water and pop some gum in my mouth to get me through their meals and snacks. So far, it's a good change.

3- Eating while I'm cooking. Same concept as before, easy to loose track and just a bad habit, all around. I made a rule for myself that I would only eat sitting down at the table. Period. One day I was cutting up some veggies to have with my lunch and I started to pop a piece of cucumber in my mouth and then stopped myself. Not that I'm saying it's bad to each veggies while cooking, but it's the habit that I'm trying to break. It's totally a subconscious action that I'm trying to be more aware of and STOP!

So, there you go. Maybe it can help you guys, or maybe it just helps me to write it down. Either way, that's what I'm working on...we'll see how week 2 goes!

Weigh In

So, I've been trying to kill myself with exercise. It's leading to weight loss, but not a whole lot else is getting done. So, yesterday I weighed myself and I'm at 196.5. That's down 3.5 lbs from last week. And seriously, I am super-duper impressed with myself. Because I'm working out like I'm Melanie (or a Melanie wanna-be). Also because of the muscle gain, water intake factors I really should have gained weight this week, but I just take this to mean that I lost a lot more fat than I gained in muscle, right? Awesome.

Just so you get an idea here's what my days look like:

Monday - Gym at 5:30 AM (up at 5:15 AM), 400 calories on a machine. Then 3 different weight machines - 3 reps of 10, low weight because I'm trying to slim down, not bulk up. Then home to do pilates. Drink a ton and a half of water and we're good.

Tuesday thru Thursday - Same as Monday, only now I'm adding in walking/jogging (so far just walking) 4 miles on the trail after Lincoln goes to Pre-school. Drink an additional couple of gallons of water, and we're good.

Friday - Gym at 5:15 AM (which suckily means up at 4:45), take a HEAT class (I don't know what the letters stand for, Mel?) and embarrass myself. At least I have a friend embarrassing herself with me.

Saturday - Gym at 9:15 AM to take a Zumba class. Haven't done this one yet, but I did do the Monday thing last Saturday. I'm pretty sure this is going to be more of the embarrassment thing.

Also, I am OFF Coke. Yay for me. And I've got portion control down. And sugar intake is practically non-existent. And I am personally supporting one small agricultural farm with all the salad and veggies I'm consuming. And I may drain the aquifer all on my own because I am THIRSTY!

You don't want to know where I've found my motivation.

So...

What, so Valerie goes on hiatus and now NO ONE can blog on this? Because I'm sure all your excuses about PMSing are over by now. If not, see a doctor.

Okay, so it's Wednesday again. And I'm going to be brave, again. I weighed myself yesterday with a full bladder (WHY doesn't Rite Aid let you use their bathroom!?!). I am putting the full weight even though I do know how much a full bladder of pee weighs. (that's a different story in which I was at Weight Watchers and had to go so they re-weighed me and I lost 4 more pounds)

292.

I'm claiming this as a person victory since I have started eating more again due to the anorexia caused by the medication I recently started has lessened in its' effect.

Whatever. I'm losing it and that's what counts!

Holly's Right - Weigh In

Though I've sworn off the weigh in until I had something more positive to post, Holly's right, and it is in fact making me feel like I'm no longer accountable. Which isn't a good thing as evidenced by my weight:

200 lbs.

Again.

BUT! I found a friend to work out with, and we went to the gym this morning at 5:30 (which means I got up at 5:15 - AM), and we worked out. I feel good that I did something, now I just have to KEEP doing something every day for the rest of forever, because that's exactly how long it's going to take to lose my 65 lbs.

Now it's your turn to weigh in.

Oh, and I think we should weigh in EVERY WEDNESDAY just to keep us honest. Deal?

Something goes here. I don't know what.

So I was thinking... First, I'm getting overtaken. I have to recruit some friends to post on here. I swear I DO have some. At least one. Really. It's just I have friends who don't WANT to lose weight. Or who don't blog. *sigh My friends are boring vanilla friends.

Second, has anyone else noticed that there's no longer any weight postings on here? What's that about? I am BY FAR the fattest of us all. Probably fatter than two of you put together. And yet I'M the one who notices we're not being forthcoming with the weight loss thing. See, if you have to post it, it keeps you accountable. Ask Weight Watchers. That's the plan. You are accountable to the old lady by the scale with you so you HAVE to lose weight so she doesn't know what a loser you are (or aren't as it goes).

You guys are my old lady in the cubicle. C'mon!! I'm not going to be the first to post and it's not that I WANT to blab it everywhere, but this is NOT a socializing blog, right? This is war on fat, peoples! (as my three year old would say) WAR means we do things we don't like to do for the betterment of mankind. I know my husband (the mankind I worry about) would appreciate it if I dumped some more fat. How about your mankinds?

New Kid On The Blog

Hello and thanks for letting me join your party/group therapy session, it's exactly what I need! I totally need to be accountable to other people (hubby's don't count in my book). Here's my quick and dirty info:

I'm right in the thick of a weightloss battle known as MY LIFE and I've accepted that it will last exactly that long. There's no way, even if and when I reach my goal, that this will EVER get easy. Let's be honest. I have always been fat. I did a slideshow for my Mom's 50th birthday a couple of weeks ago and I was mortified at some of the pictures because I don't think that I ever realized how big I was, I always thought that I was "a little chubby" but I had no idea how bad it was. Most of you know my Mom so I won't go there too much, but looking back I never had any motivation to be healthy. She was overweight and I was her only daughter so of course I would be overweight. End of Story.

I reached my all-time highest weight a little over a year ago at the end of my 5th pregnancy. Before delivery I was 248 and 2 weeks later I was down a measly 25 pounds to 223. That's when I started Weight Watchers (again, I've done that in between almost every pregnancy). I stopped WW in March for $$$ reasons and have been trying to do it on my own since then.

After months of doing excercise videos at home, some ladies from church invited me to go running with them in the mornings. Well, she invited me over the phone before having actually met me in person, I'm pretty sure that if we'd been face to face she wouldn't have thought that I'd be interested, or is that just my own insecurities, who knows. Other than running the mile in gym (which I did pathetically and usually walked the whole way) I've never run before. But I was up for a change and a challenge so I started on my own because I didn't want to embarass myself in front of these new potential friends. Now I'm hooked and while I'm still very slow (and probably not very graceful) I'm training for a half marathon in about a month.

I'm 20-25lbs aways from my goal, which is where I have been for several weeks. I can't seem to take any more off. So frustrating. The good thing is that I'm skinnier now than I ever been. The bad thing is that it's because of the running, not because I've changed my bad habits. I'm a major compulsive emotional eater. I need therapy so that's why I'm here, right? My weight yesterday was 165 (that was after an 8.6 mile run, the day before that I was 168). So there you have it. When I registered for the race I had to sign up under the "Healthy but Heavier" division. I'd love to loose the "Heavier" title.

Yay for Me

Okay everybody, please welcome CHARI! (Holly, it's pronounced SHAR-e). The rest of us know her and she just caught wind of this blog and wanted to join. Look at us attracting other people with our weighty issues. Get it? Weighty issues? HA! I'm so funny!

Friday, after my depressing bout at the gym, I decided that I'm actually fed up with being so unattractive in my own mind and did an hour of pilates after the kids were in bed. I couldn't do every move because I'm too fat and the fat got in the way, but I did most of them, and the ones I couldn't do I did my best modified version.

THEN, on Saturday I did 1/2 an hour on my stationary bike (private parts sleeping all the way), and then followed that up with an hour of high-intensity aerobics/pilates. I am feeling EVERY muscle in my body, and it's kind of nice to know that they're there. Interestingly enough I did the best food control after that because I just kept thinking, "eating that's not worth the amount of effort it takes to get it back off." True, true.

i AM trying...

I went to the Y with the kids today. I decided to do an aerobics class. 20 minutes into the class here comes the lady to get me because Aile's been crying for 10 minutes and they have a 10 minute crying policy. So I did go, but I didn't get to finish. I felt like crying because this was supposed to be the thing that would work for me, but it didn't. I'm not giving up; we went to Target and bought bigger pacifiers to see if that might help. It would totally help if they would just give her some Cheerios, but they have a no food policy too. Stupid policies.

But still, 20 minutes is better than no minutes. I may have to get up and go at 6 anyway and then go back after taking Caden to school until she can handle it. CRAP.

And, because I'm proud

I bought new pants this weekend. They're size 22.

That seems enormous to you all but I started this year in 26's.

YESSS!!!!

Now I have to get the shirt size to go down. dangit, that means sit ups. craaap

A la peanut butter sandwiches!

The title actually has nothing to do with the post. It just came to me.

So I have started working towards a life long goal. To get certified and teach "group exercise classes" (aka aerobics). I as super stoked. A teacher at Gold's Gym has been mentoring me and allowing me to take over some time in her classes. Last Saturday, I taught the warm-up, ab section, and the cool down. All in all about 15 minutes (and I guess you would know all of this if you ever checked my third blog.........are you protesting or something?).

Anyway, today I have a whole 25 minutes of the 60 minute class and she was hinting at giving me the WHOLE class on Saturday. It is a little nerve wracking but I have such a blast that I get over it pretty quickly.

So.....the plan is to get CPR certified at the end of the month. Then, hopefully, I will be able to start substituting her classes (and MAYBE even get paid a little bit). There are a few certification workshop coming up that I have yet to register for. Two are in November. One in Coure d'Alene, on a Sunday (No can do....crappy) and the other is in Lewiston, ID the day before. Otherwise I will have to wait for December when the have a workshop at OZ in the Valley. We will see.

So that is my story.

I have been so freakin' busy lately counting BPM's (beats per minute) of my favorite songs, putting together routines and practicing, practicing, practicing. So...why am I not getting any skinnier.

Oh, right....because I am super stressed and when I am stressed.....I EAT! FOOD, FOOD, FOOD. Yeah, those three pounds I finally took off.......it lasted a week. Say "hello" again to those obnoxious pounds.

Anyone up for starting a "self-starving anorexia support group." I know we could help each other if we worked together!

update

I changed my Y membership today, so I'm out of excuses for not working out. If I don't do it now it's just pure laziness.

In which I brag about myself for a minute.

I rode my bike. I rode it all the way to physics lab and all the way home. Okay, almost all the way home. Remember I have said this town is full of hills? So I rode the hills on the way there. I was doing really good on the way home, too. Especially when you consider that it was 3 hours after I rode there so the soreness had time to set in a little bit. But on the last really big really slight hill I had to get off and walk. But just to the top of the hill. I totally rode on the way down.

Duh!

The next day I didn't ride due to time constraints. Leaving the house in time for a 9 am class is hard when I'm on a bike! But I totally was able to walk so I guess I didn't kill myself. And I ended up walking a lot. I got totally lazy and rode the bus home between classes which meant I had to walk to the bus stop. And then home from the bus stop. And then I had to walk back to the bus stop again and to get the kids to and from the bus which is in a different direction.

Anyway, walking to the bus stop sounds like nothing, I'm sure. But I did do it. And it's more than I have done recently.

OH! And Dad came down to see the kids on Tuesday so we went to Dairy Queen. The kids got Blizzards (might have been their first since I never buy them!) and Dad got a cone. What did I get? Nothing. And I didn't feel deprived or anything. Yes!!!

Also, I skipped cake and ice cream last night at a birthday party.