20 lbs...yuck

So I have to admit to being a little bit.....saddened by the scale today.

I have now gained 20 lbs in this pregnancy. That's how much I had gained on Isaac's delivery day and I am only 5 lbs from what I weighed on delivery day with Cael. Sucky! I am well on my way to being a total fatty.

I think I will go eat some of the chocolates Rob got for me. Sigh.....

I'm not gonna lie. It's not looking good.

I know I'm pregnant and it's "allowed" to gain weight but I'm still doomed. At Christmas time I usually allow some divulging and then spend the first month of the year taking it off and starting fresh.

This year....not going to happen. You don't get to loose weight pregnant. It sucks. That means that any weight I put on in the next few weeks will have to wait another 4 month before I can BEGIN to tackle it.

Sucky!

I have a feeling that the goal I set to NOT gain any more weight before my next appointment (which is the 28th) is not going to work out.

I'll keep y'all up on the damage.

Me too!

I'm getting back on the horse myself! Wahoo. I weighed myself today. 137.5 lbs. Drat. I am aiming to make this my high. Knowing myself and my love for all food holiday (mmmmmm fudge....), I am going for a no-gain holiday with a plan to start losing after the new year. Still, to make it a no-gain, I am going to have to start working out harder.
Today I went and did the most strenuous workout I've done for.... . um. . .. a while. It was good but, yeah, I'm sore.
Val, I am so happy that you are starting to go again too. Now I can read all about your awesome workouts and be motivated to kick it up a notch. or five. whatever.

Wednesday Weigh In

Yeah, I know it's Friday.

But I did weigh myself on Wednesday. 178 lbs. So I'm up. And I'm older. So I went back to the gym yesterday....took it kind of easy, wanted to want to go back. And even though I stayed up 'til 11pm I still got up this morning and allowed Chiere to kick my butt in the traditional custom of her Friday 5:15am class.

No one was more surprised to see me there than I was.

So I'm getting back on the horse. Anybody else?

Oh yeah. I'M FREAKIN' SORE!!!

Here I am

136lbs and counting....

Hey look, a Post!

Poor sad, abandoned blog. I really should use you, I just can't seem to find the time or committment to get it all under control. I haven't weighed myself lately, but everything still fits, so I'm guessing I'm about the same as last time. Which means at least I'm not gaining, but it also means I'm not losing either. *Sigh*

Weigh in

So I may have weighed 128 at one point, 130 at another and now I'm up to 132. It could have something to do with the teddy gram/frosting sandwiches at 11pm but I'm not sure....

Not a weigh in

I have refound my motivation. I've been to the gym *gasp* 3 times in a row and plan to go more. So even though I'm not weighing in I am reporting in.

I'm feelin' the burn people, feelin' the burn.

MMMMMM....cinnamon rolls

So...I have given up on the "depressed eating." Now I am just eating. I bought cinnamon rolls today. Yum.

Last time I weighed in......151. I have a Dr. appt in a week and I will have a number then. Sigh.....It was so nice to be 146 lbs. I should have enjoyed it while I had it. Oh well.....I don't have the energy/or time to workout 13 hours a week anymore. Dang it!

Yea Baby!

I went to the Doctor yesterday and was weighed for the first time since having the baby. So...drum roll please........128! Yes! My goal weight is 120-125. Unfortunately, I have picked up a few bad habits since deliver. Such as not going to the gym (actually, haven't gone for nearly 2 and a half months and I know 'such things are to be expected'), and eating massive amounts of sugary carbs.....mmmmmm, sugary carbs........I could go for some right now....

Today I went to the gym in an effort to at least try to maintain where I'm at and possibly transform the 'bowl full of jelly' into 'abs of steel'. That's a stretch (haha, stretch, I just had a baby everything is stretched, haha I'm so funny!).

So 128 (I just wanted to say that again) with the hopes of good things to come. I should probably stop making cookie dough and keeping it in the fridge though.

Uh, Monday Weigh In

I weighed myself on Saturday, no clothes. The way I like to get weighed. 174. I've lost 2 pounds since the last time I weighed in, and I think I've been to the gym maybe twice. I am working on it, but it seems like right now I've mostly got a handle on not overeating. Probably because I'm feeling very peaceful about what's going on in my life.

I'm going to try to get more regular about weighing in again.

Look, an Update!

I can't get consistent with the gym. I have a theory about why this is and I'm hoping that it will resolve itself by the middle of August. Beforehand would be nice, but I'm not sure that's going to happen. But my weight remains steady at 176. Meh.

One really crappy eternal round

152 lbs........back where I started last summer.

Super sucky!

Don't Have a Heart Attack, I Went to the Gym

Hmm. I didn't go to the gym when I said I was going to last time I posted.

BUT.

I went yesterday AND today, burning over 1,000 calories each day in 73 minutes of cardio, plus whatever I burned in 10 minutes of weights, plus my pilates. I feel much better. :)

As a side note, I just about gave Laura (the gal behind the counter at the Y) a heart attack when she saw me. She made a big gasp and put her hand over her heart, and then was kind enough to point out where the couches were for me. Smart Aleck. And then, on my way out she said I hadn't been there since 4/28. Well, I knew it was something like that. I told her I'd see her tomorrow and she asked if I didn't just want to wait another month and a half. I like her.

Also, I weighed myself yesterday (with sweaty clothes on because my mom was standing in the bathroom), and I was at 177, which is down from the 181 I was at. However, I think it's due more to muscle loss/fat gain than any self control on my part.

Well, at least I'm getting back on the horse, or wagon, or stick, or whatever.

2 days in a row....good for me!

I started working out again....now that the flu and sinus infection have finally excited my body.

I now have two days in a row. That's excellent as of late for me. Sad really. Gone are the workouts 6 days a week. What has happened to me. It has been a good 2 or 3 months since I had that kind of consistency. No wonder I am putting on weight.

We'll see how it goes.

When I went to the DR. the other day I weighed in at 151 lbs. Not bad but not where I want to be. I will weigh again in two weeks when I go back to the doctor.

Hopefully the "happy" pills she put me on will not cause me to gain weight. It says there could either be weight gain or loss of appetite. I just love how they have to cover both bases. I could use a bit of an appetite depressant.....hopefully I will swing that way. :)

(Yes, Val......I AM on something......DON'T TELL YOU KNOW WHO!.......oh wait, you aren't in her ward anymore. Oh well, just in case you run into her, don't tell her okay? Wouldn't want her gloating about it being her idea and how good it is for me). :)

A Healthy Attitude?

Hmm, no one's posting.


I haven't been to the gym in *gasp* over a month now, and I'm seeing the results of it. They're showing up in the scale, and in my clothes, and in my attitude, and now also as a pain in my back. I'm not really sure what my problem is other than perhaps a rebellion of cosmic proportions at getting out of bed at 4:45am. I am not now, nor have I ever been a morning person. The fact that I was able to arise at said time for as long as I did is a testament to something, but I'm not sure what.

Anywho, my motivation is gone. Working on getting it back. Because, I think that I like being a size 10. I may never lose the last 30 pounds, but I don't want to be bigger again. When I was 205lbs I said that if I was ever a size 10 again I would be happy. And I'm there. I am not the thinnest girl in the room, but I'm not usually the fattest girl either. I think I'm just going to be happy to be ME. So I will go to the gym tomorrow and strive to lose the 6 pounds I've gained during this workout recession, and then, if I lose, I lose. But if I don't, then I maintain, and I'll be happy about that.

Stupid scale.

I'm not weighing in for a few weeks.

Back on the calorie counting bandwagon!

So after eating 4 pieces of cake last night and hating myself for it and working out for 2.25 hours already today jogging, weight lifting, and cycling (note, it is not even 3:00PM)to make up for my.......CRAP, I have decided once again to start counting calories. It's the accountability factor. You would not believe what you do not eat just because you don't want to have to write it down and actually be accountable for it.

It is somewhat time consuming (in the beginning) as you try to figure out what is what but worth it in the end. It helped me drop the three pounds I was trying to loose last fall......PLUS another four.....AND keep it off for a good 6 months. It's not that I ever stopped counting the calories in my head (1/3 cup oatmeal 100 cal, 1 1/2 TBSP brown sugar 75 cal, 1/2 cup milk 45 cal) but it seemed that when it was time to add in the sweets and treats (3 jolly ranchers 70 cal) my mind would go blank and I would loose track of JUST HOW MUCH I was actually eating. NOT GOOD. It is VERY easy for me to consume over 1000 cal of sweets/treats in one sitting....let alone one day. So...thus explaining the weight gain.

I do like counting calories. It helps me keep track, day-to-day, what I am actually taking in. Every once and a while Rob and I will go out to eat and I will just call it a complete bust. Either I go home and don't record it or just add 1000 cal to the day and move on. Once a month, or even week (have you heard of "free days") a night like that is NOT going to affect my body. I know that....it's just that when it is happening EVERY day, or at least EVERY OTHER....NOT GOOD.

Here's hoping it works.

Current weight: 151.4 LBS (this morning)
Old Goal weight: 150 LBS
New Goal weight: 146 LBS (It really does feel good to feel fit and thin)

This time when I actually get down to 146 I WILL buy a few pairs of pants (instead of waiting to gain it back and having my pants fall off me for 6 months). Size 8 here I come!

I have sexy arms

Yes, it's true. I've hated and hated and hated my arms all the while I've been fat. And while they're still not exactly how I want them to look, I can definetly tell that all those weights I've been lifting are making a huge difference. I no longer have 'the second wave' going on in my underarm area when I'm waving to someone. And I don't have Oprah arms* coming out of my sleeves. And I have actual shoulders instead of bunny slopes decending from my neck.
And my delts look good, and even my forearms, wrists and hands.

Andandand........I could go on and on but you probably think I'm narcisistic at this point anyway so I'll stop. It just feels so good to actually LIKE a part of my body.

*Question: How on Earth did Oprah manage to lose so much weight and still retain her fat arms? I don't get it.

Wednesday Weigh In

I did it! I finally lost those last 2 lbs to bring me to 30 lbs actually lost. So I'm weighing in at 175 lbs even. Ryan even reset the scale for me so I know it's accurate. Let's hear it for double workouts an kinda watching what you eat! Give me a Woot Woot! (woot woot!).

This does wonders for my self-esteem. I've made it to the halfway point, FINALLY. Just 30 more lbs to go!

Sucking in does NOT make a difference on the scale.

Why is it that every time I step on a scale I suck my gut in as far as I can? Like it will make a difference or something. Yeah, it baffles me also but, I'm sure I'm not alone.

So.......why is it that I now step on the scale and find myself back to the weight I was last summer when I had a total freak-out thinking my life was ending and I was on my way to obesity?

Could it be:
* food medication
*2 vacations in the last month (aka eat whatever, whenever....you are on vacation)
*lots of eating out
*not so great workout schedule (you would think my workout schedule was awesome because I am an aerobics instruction but......it's not. Especially when you take two back to back vacations and don't lift weights for 2 weeks)
*did I mention medicating my life's sorrows with food?

I totally feel poopy. I'm only 2 lbs above my "all-time goal weight" (don't judge too harshly.........please keep in mind that I have been 4 lbs under my goal weight for a good 8 months now) but I feel totally out of control. I hate that. If I were this weight and were so "responsibly" I would be totally fine. But, gaining weight because I am eating myself to death.....I am not cool with that. I work too hard to be gaining weight.

I don't expect comment.....in fact, don't really want it........I'm just venting since my paper journal is somewhere unknown.

My mantra: this is the new fat.

I've been working out like crazy since my last post and wanted a full week of it in before I weighed in. In hindsight, I should've weighed myself at the start to see what I'd gained first.

177 lbs-ish. (since the scale is not supremely accurate)

This I must admit is fairly disappointing since I don't know if I acutally lost anything, yet seem to have gained 2 lbs from the last time I really weighed myself. AND I've been working out everyday, sometimes twice a day (up to 3 hrs).

Of course the fact the I'm due to start my period this week and the resultant craving for cookies last week (and really, come on, the fact that I gave in to said craving and ate 2 packages of Keebler cookies practically by myself) didn't help.

So anyway, I'm now feeling less like eating cookies and more like losing weight.

I had a weigh in

I don't know how interested you all are in my weight gain (since I'm currently not losing...) But I am trying to keep my gain to the minimum and still be healthy for me and the babe. I figured I'd weigh in after going to the doctor last week. I didn't like the number on the scale. But here' how it was skewed:

Since I knew I was going to the doctor, I didn't use the potty before leaving the house. Then, I had to do the glucose test so I checked in at the lab and drank my 4 gallons of supersweetnotquiteorangesoda drink. Then I went upstairs for my doctor appointment. Needless to say, when the nurse asked me to step on the scale, it was all I could do to move to the scale without, uh, having an accident. I weighed in at 148lbs.

The next day, I weighed in at the gym after using the bathroom, not wearing my shoes and not having drank the afore mentioned delicacy. 144 lbs. Somehow I lost 4 lbs overnight! It's a miracle!

The official weight I'll be going with is 144. I think it is much more accurate.

So just knock that snack cake out of my hands

I have lost 30 lbs in 3 months and have kept it off for an additional 3 months. I felt really good when I hit that point, smaller jeans, what's not to love? But lately, I hate my body again. Not in the sataniswinning kind of way, just in the itcouldbebetter kind of way. Which is probably good, because if I continue to stay happy with it where's the motivation to lose more?

I don't know if I'm making any sense to anyone but me....

At any rate, I've decided that if I did it once, then I can do it again: 30 lbs, 3 months. That gives me until the end of June, I may even fudge and give myself to the end of July, when we move to Montana. So I'm counting on all y'all to keep me motivated. Let those cowpokes meet the skinny version of Val.

Please?

Swimsuit Woes

*WARNING: May contain TMI*
I got a new swimsuit yesterday. I decided I want to start doing water aerobics at the gym. Also, we just moved into a complex with a swimming pool and D is THRILLED which means we will be doing a fair amount of swimming. If it ever warms up that is. Oh, and we're going to San Diego in a month. Anyway, I decided to get a swimsuit.
After hemming and hawing and shopping online and in stores, I bought one from Motherhood.com that I really like. Okay, I mostly like. I am not a 'bikini bottom' kind of girl. I prefer the shorts look but couldn't find one I liked.
So today I hopped in the shower to, er, get ready to wear a swimsuit. Let me tell you, there are some things that are difficult when you are pregnant and some things that are impossible. Painting your toenails is difficult. Shaving your legs is difficult. Shaving your, uh, 'bikini line'...IMPOSSIBLE. I gave it a valiant effort before coming to the conclusion that I will be purchasing shorts to wear over the bottom of my suit.

Stress eating......

Stress eating.....more stress eating.....and yet, MORE stress eating. What does all of this equal? Who knows because I refuse to step on the scale.

Sometimes life totally suck! Mine sure does right now!

Wish us luck............we are gearing up for yet another rejection! (I know, such the optimist).

At least I do have some self control. Not the kind that keeps you from eating what is in your house but the kind that at least pushes you to throw things away (or drown) things that don't belong in your house.

Amongst loads of peer pressure last night (thanks Val :) ) I bought two half gallons (or at least they USED to be half gallons) of ice cream. When I got home I discovered that they were BOTH chocolate ice cream. Rob doesn't eat chocolate ice cream and because of this fact, it would be my job to finish them both off. NOT GOOD! I served myself up a VERY generous portion (although I had JUST gotten home from my Step class) and chowed.

Well, this morning I threw both half gallons in the garbage......OUTSIDE, so they can not be retrieved. I just cant stand it anymore. I'm going to get really FAT and that sucks. But at the same time I don't care. Am I making any sense? Not really.....I know.

So, for now I am safe.........until I buy the next load of garbage.

Save me.............save me from myself.

Short and Sweet

I forgot to post last week, probably because I didn't have much to say. I was exactly the same as the week before (161.8).

This morning I went on a 9.3 mile and was feeling great so I hopped confidently on the scale just to have it mock me. 162.8. Up a pound. Seriously? I mean, yes I did eat JUNK for dinner a few nights this week...but seriously?

So, once again I've got to get serious about eating better. If I'm going to kill myself exercising I'd like to see the results on the scale!

My main goal this week: eat healthier lunchs.

Locker Room Musings

First, a weigh in. I suppose it is okay for me to start gaining weight since I am in the 5th (I think?) month of my pregnancy. Still, I am a bit disappointed to be at 141lbs. I gained some weight quickly on account of my sweet tooth/lack of motivation to exercise. I am not trying to lose weight though. I know enough to be smart about that.

As for musings...
I shower and dress at the gym. This is waaaaay more convenient and strangely more private for me. (ie: no small ones peeling back the shower curtain to say 'hi') I am not a uber private person - hence the ability to dress in the locker room - but I do have some personal modesty. For the most part everyone else does too. I tend to keep as covered up as possible. Others just bare all for a quick get dressed. What I fail to comprehend are those who seem to have nnoooo personal modesty. For example the woman who checks her texts instead of putting on underwear. Seriously?! Text in 40 seconds after you put on underwear.

Other more serious thought. I recently ran into someone from my ward in the locker room. I had just come from the shower. (Not where I usually like to see people I actually know.) I had a towel on and was proceeding to dress. She was preparing to go to a swim class but wore her suit to the gym. She made a comment that has stuck with me. She said she didn't change here (the gym) because she didn't think we were "supposed to" do that -- garments and all.
I have thought about the garment issue several times. I dress quickly and do my best not to flaunt my religion around. For the most part, no one has ever said anything. I don't get ready without a shirt on like I may do in my own home. I really don't think that what I'm doing is inappropriate which is why I continue to do it. If I truly felt like I was being disrespectful to the covenants I have made, I wouldn't do it. Still, I can't forget what she said. She wasn't trying to be judgemental (I don't think). But I still feel judged. She is still a nice sister who always says hi at church and thinks my kids are cute (this is very endearing). It may be that she doesn't even remember the encounter but I do and can't help thinking she's judging me when I see her. (Side note: I've only seen her at the gym once. She goes to the night swimming class. I just happened to use the gym in the evening once.)

Wednesday Weigh-In

Uh, why am I the last post? People? Did you forget you're suppossed to be posting here? Hello?

I'm weighing in at 177 lbs. Which makes sense since I've gotten to the gym about 4 times in the last 2 weeks. I still think my scale is broken, since I'm having to make adjustments by what's it's saying I weigh when nothing's on it. But maybe it all works out in the end. Hopefully this means all my hormones have righted themselves.

Here's a question for y'all....The heaviest I ever weighed myself was 205 lbs in August. BUT, I didn't start religiously keeping track until I started working out regularly almost a month later. By then I was down to 200 lbs. Even though I wasn't working to lose those 5 lbs, can I still claim them as lost? I haven't been, and I kinda want to so give me your input, please.

If you count those first 5 lbs I'm down 28 lbs since August. Otherwise 23 lbs since September.

Wednesday Non-weigh in

I think my scale is broken. I've been working out like crazy since the last weigh in and even though my eating is not what it should be, at the WORST I should merely be maintaining. I should not be gaining. Erego, the scale is broken.

I got a size smaller in jeans on Monday (thanks Mom!), because my current pair I can pull off my hips with them done up. The new ones still need to be broken in, but I'm working on it. I also got a few new shirts since everything else I own is XL. Happily I report that my new shirts were all M's.

Obviously the scale is broken.

OR, it might be related to the mini miscarriage I just had. You know how those hormones screw everything up.

Following UP

I said that I would check in again to let you know how I did on my goals this week, so here I am! I felt like overall I did pretty well, like always I started stronger than I ended, but it wasn't a terrible end. I did much better about snacking and portion control, although there is still PLENTY of room for improvement!!

For exercise, I did a video Monday (50 min of cardio and strength combined), ran 4.4 miles Tuesday, and on Wednesday I did 40 min of video and ran 1.5 miles at 7mph on the treadmill. Nothing Thursday. Nothing Friday. Saturday I ran 5.5 miles (I cut this shorter than I'd intended because I thought that I was going to make Joe late for work, turns out I got home 25 mins earlier than I needed to so I could've gone at least another 2 miles, oh well)

I weighed myself after the run yesterday and I was at 161. That's down 2lbs from last week. Great. But, I think that I'd be more excited about that if I didn't keep yo-yo-ing around between 160 and 164. I really need to break the 160 mark! So, that's my goal this week. Another 2lb week. A little ambitious, but I can do it if I really try, I'm sure.

Here's my action plan:
- at least 40 mins of cardio every day
- strength (weights or pilates) at least 3 times
- healthy snacking (which means no baking this week, that has seriously been my downfal for the last several weeks)
- no eating past 7:30 PM

Here goes another week, hope that it's good for all of us gets us closer to our goals rather than further away, I guess that's all we can really ask!

A very special weigh in

Alright, it's not that special, but doesn't it sound after-schoolish?

Chari is not the only one who has been avoiding being accountable... I don't even have the babysitting excuse (I've been there - used to eat 6 giant cookies in a sitting and go back for more). I feel for you Chari, I really do.

After a week and a half of lazing about I finally got out of bed and went to the gym this morning. And then I very, very bravely weighed myself when I got home. 177, up 1 lb. from whenever the last time I weighed in. Better than up 6 lbs, but still not where I want to be.

I counted the workout days I have left until we go to see Ryan's fam, and I only have 21 days (counting today and all Saturdays) to lose (now) 7 lbs. This may get tricky.

Facing Facts...

I have totally been avoiding this blog and anything else that reminds me that I'm not doing what I need to be doing to continue loosing weight. It's been a rough month for me. I'm not having a pity party, but Joe's been out of town A LOT and that really takes a toll on me. Plus, I started babysitting 2 boys (ages 2 1/2 and 4 mos) three days a week. Let's just say that food has been my friend and exercise has gotten tricky.

That being said, I weighed myself this morning (after a 6.5 mile run) and was at 163. Not bad. Yes, it's up a few pounds, but all things considered, I'm totally okay with where I am. I'd love to loose more and be below 160 at least, but I can't put that stress on myself right now or I will seriously crumble.

So, goals for this week include:

• get the snacking under control
• run with Abby T/TH/Sat mornings (since Joe is in town this week I can do that, YEAH!)
• exercise during nap time (if there is actually a time when they are all four asleep at the same time) either a run on the treadmill or a Biggest Looser video (which I LOVE!) on M/W/F.

I've got to be accountable so I'll report back next Saturday about how this went!

Doctor visit weight in

I had an appointment yesterday so naturally they weighed me. 138.5 lbs. That's okay. My dr is actually relieved to 'see me back up to the weight I started at'. I was not worried about my weight because I know how unhealthy I was until immediately before and now during this pregnancy. I know I am eating mostly healthy (except for the Oreo binge at 10 last night) and exercising regularly which hasn't happened since...since...uh....maybe...high school?
She also advised me to stop doing ab exercises since they don't help and could hurt. Not to lift more than 20 lbs and watch my heart rate. No contact sports either. Guess I'll have to quit that intermural football team I joined last month. (that's a joke.)
So, if D ever gets up today we will head to the gym. If not, maybe we'll go this afternoon. Never done that before. I usually figure if I don't go in the morning I'm not going. But I need a shower.

Wednesday Weigh In

I was a little nervous about this weigh in since I didn't get to work out AT ALL last week what /with the pukefest at our house and all, followed up by a horrible cold and the compounded by horrible laziness.

Anyway, thought I'd probably have gained back my puke weight, but NO! Holding steady at 176 lbs. Yip, yippee, yippito! (That's for my family).

My goal is to be down at least 6 more lbs by the time we head over to see Ryan's family on 3/19. Totally doable, right?

Another join-up!

Okay everybody, please welcome Marilyn! Mar is awesome, she's in my ward and I just love her to pieces. We used to walk together for two weeks before I bailed on her and then the weather turned nasty. She has a sunny disposition and a baby about a month younger than Aile named Allie. So hooray for Marilyn! Tell us about yourself, my dear...

Weighing and random scatteredness

So I didn't actually weigh myself on this particular day. However, I have been weighing myself now and then over the last couple of weeks. Happily I am hanging right at/around 136. I am okay with this because, being 20-ish weeks preggo, I don't feel like I'm suppose to be losing weight. I also don't want to gain too much or too quickly either. I was 20 lbs over my goal weight and certainly not healthy. I know my numbers will only start climbing soon. It is so sad to me that I was in the 3rd tri with #1 before I hit 140!
Anyway, I am still going to the gym at least every other day. Today, I did 40 min of cardio between the eliptical and stair climber. My cardio is definitely not what it used to be. I keep my heart rate around 130-135 ish.
Monday, I did one of the programed "fitness test" on the treadmill. It monitors hr while raising the incline 1.0 every minute for 12 min. so at the end of the test you're at 12.0 and keeping the speed a constant 3.4. It maxed me out with 5 seconds left and told me my rating was superior. That made me feel good. Of course, it is just a treadmill, but still, I'll take it where I can get it.

I weighed in too........

I missed weighing in on Saturday because I had already eaten breakfast by the time I went to the gym. So.....I weighed in this morning before I had a chance to eat.

146 still.

That's good.

I'm sure when the 25 cookies I have eaten, in the last week (no exaggerations here), catch up to me I may be singing a different story.

Still......to be able to eat THAT much crap and still maintain just goes to show you how hard I beat my body each day in order to keep the weight off.

But then again, not so healthy (all that margerine and shortning, and grease, and fat) and I am going for HEALTH!

Gives me more to work on.

Tuesday Weigh In

I'm weighing in a day early so that I can benefit from puking all day yesterday.

176 - which is down 3 lbs from last Wednesday. Yipee-kai-ay!

I do realize that whatever is puke related will show back up the next time I weigh myself, and I promise not to throw (too big of) a fit when that happens.

See Mel, you're not the only sicko that just wants to see the numbers down low ;)

Ahem

So I have been gone. I don't know why, exactly. I do know the holidays and school being back in session (in reverse order) had a lot to do with it. I also know that Safeway has a display that looks like this:

which had a lot to do with it.

I think I am back. I don't know what I am at right now. I may have to drop some before I am willing to post any numbers on here. but I am trying. Whether I am posting here or not, I am trying.

So I did weigh in over the weekend.........

I just didn't post it and now that it is only two days to the next weigh in, so I don't think I will.

I must admit. I have not been doing so well lately.

LOTS of stress eating (But, really, WHAT DO I HAVE TO BE STRESSED ABOUT?).

I had a bit of a reality check this last weekend as well.

We went to the Hymas's (most of you know them) this Sunday. The first thing Joanie said to me was, "Have you lost more weight?"......and later in the kitchen, "Melanie, I think you should put back on a few pounds.......you looked a lot better about 5 lbs ago."

I was speechless.....which is pretty hard. First.....I was a bit offended. Then, a little repentant. How could she even tell how skinny I've gotten? I was wearing a baggy sweatshirt.

Anyway, leave it to Joanie to stick it to me........the truth, that is.

I probably could stand to put on a few extra pounds.

It scares me though. I'm not sure I could handle it.

I really believe I am battling with some kind of demon. I certainly don't starve myself and I would NEVER intentionally make myself throw up (except about a month ago but I was REALLY sick....to the point of death).

I don't know what "it" is but........"it's" something.

I blame it on the STRESS!

This last 1-1/2 has been so stressful, out of control if you will, and I think this factor may be at the root of the problem. I have been trying to battle "it" on my own for a long time and so far I'm loosing.

I need help. I know I do.......it's just really hard to let go and trust someone else with your innermost thoughts and feelings. I know.......I have done it before. It's always hard to take that first step.

Besides, I am scared. I worry that if I come to terms with reality and am "healed" I will become so comfortable with myself that I will allow myself to get fat. Sometimes I would rather be "sick and skinny" than to think about being "well and fat." The rational side of me can hear how sick that is........but it's not the rational side I am fighting with.

Well.....now that I have shared some of my inner most thoughts with you guys.....I guess it couldn't be too hard to tell someone I don't even know, right?

Pray that I can find the courage.

Maybe I should just get pregnant. That always gets rid of the dreaded "weight maintenance monster." I actually enjoy having a good excuse to gain weight and I LOVE loosing it after wards. It's just all the "weight maintenance" that gets to me.

Weigh In

I took a chance this morning and got on the scale. It was scary since I haven't weighed myself in a couple of weeks, and the last time it did, it was trying to creep up.

Anyway, 179 lbs. That's down 1 lb from the last time I weighed in, but more importantly, I BROKE THE STINKIN' 180 BARRIER!!!!

Our New Toy

After too many single-digit-temperature-early-morning-runs I finally have another option! We used a chunk of our tax return and bought a treadmill. We got it at Sears and (of course) got a killer deal on it! Here it is...

I have never been a huge treadmill fan. In good weather, I would always choose to run outside, but we're a ways from "good weather" and I'm sick of the cold! Also, this way when Joe is out of town (which will be A LOT over the next few months) I'll be able to still do my morning runs. I'm vowing to not be one of those people who buys excercise equipment, uses it for a few weeks and then is selling in on craigslist as "barely used". So here goes!

Oh, and I did weigh myself the last 2 saturdays. I was a 162 both times. That's better than the few weeks before that, but still up a few pounds from pre-Christmas. My goal for this saturday is 160. We'll see how that goes!

Aaack!

I was talking to my SIL the other day and she mentioned that since Ryan's grandma turns 90 this year they wanted to get as many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren together as possible, right around the end of March. So after almost 2 months of maintaining I am back to double workouts to try and lose as much as I can before we go back over there.

The last time Ryan's family saw me I was at my fattest, around 200-205 lbs. I'm now down to 180 lbs but I could be down more than that if I had been working harder through the holidays, and um, January.

I'm doing 70 minutes of cardio M-Th (35 running, 35 eliptical) and weights, and Cherie's class on Friday - which was always the hardest part of my week. I'm still working on controlling food vs. food controlling me, but for the time being I think I may have junked myself out. Youknowwhatimean? I'm sick of crap am and craving salad, etc. Weird.

Sheena, give us a baby update....how far along are you, do you know what you're having, how you're feeling, etc. Thanks!

Vegan Adventure Blog

I'm keeping something of a log of our Vegan adventure, including recipes, for anyone interested:

http://sowhatcanyoueat.blogspot.com/

Weekend Update

So after all the puke, and various other bodily function problems, and laziness of last week I got back into the swing of things this morning. My partner didn't come with me so I spent a little extra time at the gym this morning. I did all my regular workout (eliptical program and weights), and just for fun I spent a little time running on the treadmill. I only ran a mile and walked another half-mile to cool down, but it didn't hurt my knees and since I did it after the eliptical I actually felt myself getting a second wind, and was able to kick the treadmill up to 5 mph (stop laughing) for the entire mile instead of running at 4.5 mph which is what I usually (never) do when I run (never, ever, ever).

Plus, because I get seasonal depression in the winter with the lack of sunlight, and since it's been nonstop fog for the last three weeks I'm back on my happy pills. Hopefully they'll keep me getting out of bed and going to the gym instead of feeling like it's all useless anyway.

And on the pop challenge....I know it's my challenge but I am stinking up the place with my lack of compliance. Actually, I'm stepping down slowly; one Coke yesterday instead of two, 1/2 coke this morning and I dumped the rest. I don't need a caffeine withdrawal headache. But, I'm planning on being Coke free by tomorrow. Wednesday at the latest. ;)

Weekend Weigh in-----take two and a glimpse into my inner thoughts.

I weighed in again today.........143. I'm still hanging out down here waiting for the gain. It has really been 10+ years since I have weighted this low but I don't anticipate being here for very long.

(Boo.....we hate her.....she sucks. You think I can't hear it, well I can)

Now, before you get your panties (or G's) in a twist thinking I am all bragging and stuff, just know that I am not..........let me explain.

As I have said before.......I am learning more and more that the weight loss/maintenance/gain journey is not about actually loosing/maintaining/gaining weight. It is about accepting who we are and being happy with ourselves.....no matter what we look like, how much we weigh or how we think others might perceive us.

So....having said that, I can now say that this is something I struggle with.....BIG TIME.

Sure... I eat mostly good foods, try not to over eat, and drink plenty of water. Sure... I can get up exercise six days a week without giving it a second thought (most of the time). Sure... I weigh 7 lbs under my goal weight.

But for some reason it doesn't matter. No matter how much weight I loose or how baggy my clothes get........It just never seems to be enough. I struggle to be happy with what I have and who I am. "It could always be better.....You could tighten that up a bit......Maybe just a few more pounds would fix all my problems and make me happy." That's what I to myself when I look in the mirror. Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah. You know what! .........It wont make me happy. Nothing is going to make me happy.....not now.......not until I can fix things in my head. (Valerie knows how mixed up I am right now.....we have had a few conversations about it lately.....I thought she might deck me once. :) Just kidding.)

So........that I am working on.

This is what I have come up with so far:

We all need to have a better perspective as we take this journey to our personal (weight loss) goals. Our bodies were given to us by our Heavenly Father. He wants us to take care of them and nourish them. He doesn't want us to starve ourselves and work out 3 hours a day.......and on the other extreme......He doesn't want us to gorge ourselves and sit on the couch either. And He certainly doesn't want us to get down on ourselves and dwell on our failures when we "fall of the wagon" or "overindulge." Moderation in all things. That's the key.

Remember it's Satan who wants us to be so unsatisfied with ourselves that we loose control one way or another. He tells us that in order to be worth anything we must weigh ___ lbs or wear a size ___. But.....he's a liar and we all know it. He just wants us to be as miserable as he is.

So........It's my quest (and one of my new years resolutions) to become HEALTHY! I've got a good start on the body side of things (minus the large Oreo shake I barely "shared" with Rob last night) but it's HEALTH and PEACE of MIND I am really looking for.

I'll keep you updated on my progress and insights.....if you have any of your own, please share.

We are all Daughters of Our Heavenly Father who loves us...............

Weekend Weigh-in

So What Can You Eat?

I've been getting this question a lot lately. Telling people about our diet change has spurred a lot of funny looks, and a lot of "Good Luck" and "You're Crazy" comments, but mostly the question of "So what can you eat?"

Our goal this trimester was to be vegan (not for political reasons, mind you - we've gotten that comment, too) and it hasn't been too bad. I have a freezer full of meat that I can't use, but I feel pretty good. We have also been (mostly) gluten free because my son has to be, and we've set aside Friday afternoon as the only day we eat any sugar, and not much even then. Reading over that, I guess I would ask the same question: What can you eat? Salad. :)

It has only been a week, and I had a few easily-modifiable vegetarian recipes, so we haven't had to be too adventurous yet. Actually, I have a friend who is doing this as well, but she's been at it for almost a month now. She's keeping a blog of the meals (and recipes) she eats, so I'm kind of going to let her do the grunt work for me and use the stuff from her blog that sounds good. I'll keep you posted.

Is that a Challenge? Why, yes it is

I know this girl who comes from a family of larger people. And most of them in the last few years have lost their excess weight. One of the ways they've done it is to have friendly competitions with each other. For instance they'll see how long they can go without eating any sugar (sugar substitutes are okay). Or, working out 6 days a week for a given month.

So, I thought it might be fun to incorporate this in to the blog. And since I'm the one throwing it out there I'm going to start with one that is a problem for me, although I know it's not a problem for some of you, maybe most of you, in which case it will be easy for you to compete.

Here's my challenge: Stop drinking pop. FOREVER. See, told you it wouldn't be a problem for you. If you're in say so in the comments.

Oh, and feel free to throw your own challenges out there too!

No weight in today!

Body BLAST!

THEY FINALLY HAVE BODY BLAST!

Gold's Gym FINALLY has a body blast class (1 hr of weight lifting). It is about flippen' time. 3 x's a week. 3 X'S A WEEK.

I went this morning and I can barely move. I LOVE IT!

Oh.......and I start my Step class this Thursday. I GET TO TEACH STEP AEROBICS. It is going to be so much fun. I just hope I can keep it interesting enough for the 50 year old body building man that wants to attend. That's right....I said that a 50 year old, huge, muscly, body building man wants to take my Step class and......he's good, REALLY GOOD. I hope I don't disappoint him.

I will weigh in tomorrow. It's so nice to actually see some participation on this blog. Way to go people.

Until tomorrow........

Sure Feels Good!

I am back to running again and I can't even tell you how much I've missed it. Seriously. Not only has the scale crept up like 6lbs (!!!!!) since the snow hit, but my moods have been the pits as well. I've gone through withdrawals. But, the snow has melted enough that I can find pieces of shoulder and sidewalk to run on so I'm back at it. Saturday my faithful running buddy Abby and I did about 7 miles (well, five with her and then 2 by myself, long story, if you read this, Abby, I'll explain it to you!) and it about killed me, but in a great way. I'm so glad that I've got a good friend to do this with, even if we are in different wards now :-( ...(sorry, another tangent, see my other blog if you're curious).

Okay, enough rambling, I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm still here and just not ready to face the scale again, yet. But, I'm going to have a great week this week (positive thoughts) and I'll weigh in on Saturday.

Whoops!

So I totally fell down on the adminastrative job and did not introduce GrammaB. This is my mom so give her a great big welcome and support her just like you do the rest of us! She's already made post and everything. Love you mom!

Vacation is Over

We went to Utah for the Christmas break, and it was tons of fun. Unfortunately, tons of fun usually equates to tons of food, at least with my family. Therefore, while I haven't weighed myself since returning home, I am fairly confident the the scale will not say what I want it to. Hopefully it won't be too far from what it was before we left. I'm going to give it a couple days, though. I don't know why - I guess I'm just not ready to face it yet. But I do have some pretty good goals for this new year, none of which start until tomorrow (because we've been on vacation and it's no fun to diet on vacation). I am fortunate enough to have a husband who is willing to change his diet with me, so at least I won't be alone. Should be an adventure -we are going vegan for this trimester. We did it once before, for three months, and it was easier than I thought it would be. It forces you to eat at home more often because good luck finding vegan food at most restaurants, and it serves as a pretty healthy cleanse (considering I am nursing, I needed a way cleanse without fasting). The last time we did this, I ended the three months about 30 lbs lighter, and pregnant (after having tried unsuccessfully for close to 4 years) - but considering I JUST had a baby 4 months ago, I am really hoping that doesn't happen this time (the pregnancy thing, not the 30 lbs lighter thing - I'm definitely hoping for that one).

Grandma weighs in

Thanks for the invite to the blog. I'm the person who wants to lose weight, bought the Lean Cusine, and is eating her way through the weekend. I seem to fluctuate about 3 pounds, from 198 to 201. This morning I was 200 . . . I am going to lose weight before I get to go to Europe in May, but I haven't gotten motivated to exercise and apparantly I'm not motivated to stick to a diet - yet. I am an emotional eater, and a bored eater. Right now I seem to haveboth issues in my life. I hope that by giving myself some accountability on this blog, you all will help me want to stick with a program. I really liked Weight Watchers and did well, but doing it by myself is no fun. So ladies make me have fun and be glad that I'm telling all to you.

Memorable Workout

So there I am at the Y this morning, being tortured by Cherie (Melanie knows), and with 8 minutes left in the class the fire alarm goes off. Thankfully I grabbed my coat on the way out since we ended up standing outside the back door for 10 minutes. And then, you're gonna be so proud of me, I went up and finished the workout even though half the people left because of time. And it was hard because my muscles had already cooled off so much. But I did it! Yay for me!

I'm just so glad I wasn't in the pool because they were all out front barefoot and shivering in the little Y towels.

Wednesday Weigh-in

Melanie brings up a good point. I should be thinking more about swimsuit season....because I never do, and then all of a sudden, there it is and it's too late to do anything about it. Okay, that said, I didn't work out this morning either, but that wasn't pure laziness, well, kind of, it was lack of sleep. I'm going to try and do something at home when Aile naps.

Holy commas batman!

I did weigh myself this morning and I am holding steady at 180. With only having worked out twice last week I am grateful for small favors. I've gotta get a hold of my partner and get her at it again too. There's nothing like the thought of someone waiting for you to get you going in the morning.

Not a weigh-in

Is anyone else having a hard time working out because of the snow? Or am I just lazy and blaming the snow? I worked out on Friday (thanks Cherie for killing my thighs), but not Saturday, and not Monday since we were suppossed to get a ton of snow. We did get some but not like I was thinking. I think ever since the one HUGE storm I keep expecting it to happen again, and I don't want to get stuck somewhere. Or maybe I'm just lazy. I did go work out this morning, snow or not.

I've also got to get back into the ab groove since I always did my 270 crunches a day at home. I haven't done any since the kids started winter break 3 weeks ago, and it's starting to show. And that is just laziness. Guess I'll go do them now...

Weigh in---super awesome!

I just weighed myself and the results were awesome.......143.

I don't know the last time I weighed this low.....probably high school (since my drivers license says 135).

But, before you get all huffy, I have to admit I cheated.

I threw up last night and haven't eaten more than 10 oz of food all day.

I just wanted to see the low numbers.

How sick is that?